people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
