I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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