I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
