I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize