we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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