id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
