this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
