Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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