Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
