HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
