I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
