sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
