I got chris browned last night
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
