i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
