Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
