I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
