i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
