i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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