Apparently you make a good broom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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