Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
