Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
