No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
jump out the window naked night went bad
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
