bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
