i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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