Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
