dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
