We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
