please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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