He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
