Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
