I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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