It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will be naked everywhere
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
