I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
