carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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