my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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