we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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