My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is wine microwaveable?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
