i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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