feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize