She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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