i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
