she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize