I'm gonna have a badass scar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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