i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
