Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
