She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
