Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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