dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
