I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
