Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
