I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
