I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
