Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
