I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
pray to the hookup gods
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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