Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
