they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
