Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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