We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
