yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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