you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
