Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
