you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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