I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
