Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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