you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My vagina is very pro this idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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